Aftermath
by LexxieKra
Summary: Dirk Strider is living in the aftermath of having the only man he ever loved, Jake English, die in his arms. Will Dirk be able to keep himself together for the people who love him and a shot at happiness in the future or will he let the pain of the past control the rest of his life? TW:Major-charcter death. TW:sadness. TW:sadstuck
1. Chapter 1

**HI! this is my very first homestuck fanfiction and I hope you like it, it's going to be intresting to write. Sorry if any of the chapters sound weirdly worded or anything. Much love from Lexxie. ****  
**

_"please don't leave me" I whispered into his shoulder, his ragged breaths becoming more and more shallow. _

_"it's alright, Old Chap" He whispered back, his voice hoarse. _

_"Jake English, you can't leave, not here, not like this" My voice began to crack, I buried my face deeper into the crook of his neck, tears now freely falling down my face. _

_"Dirk, I'm not going anywhere, I promi" He was cut off by a harsh cough, the blood from the wound in his chest dripping onto my hand. He tried to smile at me and he stilled, I shook him gently. His eyes stared at the sky, seeing nothing, his shallow breaths had stopped. I lowered him out of my lap and laid him on the ground, pressing my forehead to his, I let go of his hand for the last time. I pressed a kiss to the to top of his head and unclipped the gun from his holster. Cocking the small pistol, I put under my chin and closed my eyes. I screamed out at the sky and pulled, and then nothing. I opened my eyes and i was still there, kneeling in the grass in a puddle of blood still seeping from the man I loved. I blinked and popped the cartridge, Empty. I laughed out of sheer defeat and collapsed my head onto the ground. _

_"you couldn't even let me go with you, dammit" _

_"Jakey! Dirky! Where are you?" Roxy called out from a distance away, I glanced at the corpse of the man who stabbed Jake, his neck at an awkward angle form where I snapped it. I just laid on the ground and felt like i couldn't breathe until I saw Roxy's and Jane's shoes come into view and I heard them scream. _

I shot up in bed, my fists gripping the sheets so tightly my knuckles hurt, I took a deep breath and ran my fingers through my hair. Just the dream again, Same dream every night. I sat in bed until I heard my phone ring from the bedside table, the pink cat symbol lit up the screen alerting me to it being Roxy, I sighed and threw the covers off me. Padding my way down the hallway to the kitchen i turned on the coffee pot and sat down at the table, watching the drip, drip drip of the coffee. It was going to be another long day.


	2. Chapter 2

The pounding on the door jerked you from your spot on the couch, not having meant to fall asleep you glanced at the clock. It's almost midnight, who the hell would be here at this hour?

"Dirk Strider. I swear to Jegus if you do not open this door right now, I'll get Equius here to fucking break it down" Roxy huffed from the other side of the door, her voice sounding surprisingly sober. You sigh and hop up, adjusting your glasses as you undid the locks and swung the door open. Leaning against the door frame, you ran a hand through your messy blonde hair. Roxy looked up from her phone, you could hear Equius on the other end of the call.

"Roxy? Did you need something? Hello?" before she hung up. She instantly wrapped her arms around you and hugged you until you thought her arms where going to break. She then scooted past you and sat on her favourite spot on the couch.

"Dirky, We're all worried about you. Hardly anyone has seen you in months, you can't stay in this apartment forever" Roxy said, her face seeming older looking than you remembered.

You shut the door with your hip and cross the room, plopping down in one of the chairs beside the couch, you took of your glasses and tossed them on the table. Roxy as always unflinching at their neon orange orbs.

"Rox, I'm sorry, I just can't-" You where cut off by her hand over your mouth

"No more apologies, Mr. strider, no more avoiding us. We loved him too, and I know you of all people deserve to take this the hardest, but I will not let my best friend waste away, I won't let you forget the sun, just like you promised you would do the same for me" your mind flashed back vaguly to the promise made in high school over empty bottles and teared covered shirts. The night you first told Jake you loved him. Roxy must have seen something flash in your eyes because she had pulled you onto the couch, she sat there holding you. Despite your best protests, tears started to spill out. Roxy suddenly perked up, planting a kiss on your forehead.

"Go get in the car, Janey and Dave are there, okay?" you just nod, knowing better to question when Roxy when you could see the gears turning in her head like this. You got on your shoes and wiped your eyes a few good times for good measure and walked out of your apartment for the first time in weeks. You took the elavator down, not feeling like taking the hella flights of stairs. You walked over to Jane's blue jeep and got into the passenger seat, Jane leaning over an dhugging you. From the back seat, your younger brother shot you a nod and a sup. His version of showing worry. After a few minutes of silence that was actually a little awkward, Roxy came skipping out of the door with two suitcases in hand. she tossed them into the very back of the jeep and climbed in beside Dave.

"Alright Janey, back to the house!" Roxy proclaimed, buckling her seat belt. motioning for you do the same. You clicked in and started to get a little worried. Knowing Roxy, this was gonna be interesting.


	3. Chapter 3

You pull up to Roxy's house, it's a large Victorian style painted white with pink shutters. You smile a little at the familiar old house and climb out. Roxy grabs the bags and after planting a kiss on the cheek of both Jane and Dave, pulled you up the pink walkway and into the house. She dissapeared upstairs after leading you to the living room, coming back down without the suitcases, she sat on the coffee table and leaned her head on her knee.

"So Strider, you will stay with me for as long as necessary and I won't hear anything about it, got that?" she said, before, you would have been forty shades of hell no. Yeah Roxy has been your closest friend since elementary school, but this while situation would have struck old you as hell no. but instead you agreed and sat on the couch, Roxy making popcorn and bringing out a bottle of dark, licorice tasting liquor. You two sit there all night drinking and trying to get popcorn into the others mouth. You watch a few bad movies, Roxy knows in a weird way that will cheer you up. By the end of the night, you are laughing so hard your lungs hurt.

_"Dirk, It's time to leave." Roxy said, placing a hand onto your shoulder from where you stood, staring down at the patch of soil that held him. It was july, and hot as hell inside of your suit, but you didn't care. You tried your best not to cry as Roxy petted your hair. You fail miserably, sinking to your knees in front of the graveside. You take off your glasses, and scoot some of the dirt aside. You place the glasses inside the hole and cover them up. There, now he'll always have a little piece of you, even in the after life. _

_"Dirk" Roxy's voice once again roused you from sleep. You opened your eyes and found that you where infact, still dreaming. You where 17 years old, you sat on a hill outside of a large sprawling house that held the end of the year party hosted by none other than your brothers friend Kanaya. Roxy had insisted you come along. Now you severely wish you hadn't. _

_"Dirkyyyy" Roxy slurred from her spot beside you in the grass. She handed you the half empty tequila bottle, you drained it and tossed into the small pile of bottles in front of you. You tipped your head back and laid it on Roxy's knee. You had told him. You had finally told him you loved him, and then a tiny redhead girl came up behind him and snaked her arms around his waist, kissing his shoulder. That's when I turn around and ran, Roxy found me an hour later sitting on this hill. She sat with me and listened, even when i wasn't saying anything. _

_"Roxy" I said, turning towards the blonde girl, her pink minidress covered in grass stains. She glanced over at me and smiled_

_"Don't ever let me forget the sun" I finished, murmuring slightly. I knew she would understand what I meant, and she did. She held up her pinky, smile broadening when I looped mine with hers. _

_"Only if you do the same for me, Dirky" She mumbled, leaning her head against my shoulder, our pinky's still intertwined. _

"Yo, dude wake up" This time it was Dave's husky voice who woke him from his dream, he opened his eyes to see Roxy's house, he glanced down and seen Roxy passed out, using his lap as a pillow, the bottle still in her hand.

"What's up" you say, untangling yourself from the still asleep girl. Walking into the kitchen you make some coffee while he follows after you. He hops up on the counter and crosses his legs under him.

"I'm glad you are going along with Roxy's thing here, It's gonna be good for you" he said. facial expression unchainging behind his shades.

"I think so too, Lil man." I smacked him on the shoulder and a small smile pushed it's way out of me.

"I think so too"


	4. Cheesy Dates

Sorry I have not updated till now! like Hella sorry, but here it is, a crappily written brojohn date. enjoy.

A few weeks have passed since Roxy kidnapped me, and to be honest I was feeling kinda better. I was laughing now, joking around with Dave, Jane and Roxy, yet I was nervous for the first time since Dave was born. Because of all the things they could have got me into, I had a date tonight. They wouldn't tell me anything about him, which was frusrtating but I know they had my best intrests. in theory anyway.

I stood in my room and fidgeted with the hem of my tshirt, I rolled my eyes at myself and grabbing my jacket and shades and walked out.

By the time I had pulled up to the resturant, I was becoming less and less estatic about this. Giving a mental pep talk, I opened the car door and flash stepped to the resturant door. Inside I found Dave with a shorter guy at his side, waiting for me. The shorter guy looked around Dave's age, and had a big goofy smile on his face. Stearing the smaller man towards me, Dave made the introduction short and sweet before promptly bailing the fuck out of there.

"Bro, This is John, John, this is my bro" he said, most of him already out of the door.

"It's nice to meet you , Dave's told me alot about you" John said, running his hands awkwardly through his hair. The way he did it made his hair stick up a little, you guess he was kind of cute.

"Call me Dirk, and I wish I could say the same" your words pulled an awkward blush out of him. He gestered towards the stuffy resturant, and you shook your head.

"Nah, this place is kinda boring, there's a carnival in town, I was going to see if you wanted to go there instead?" John grinned and nodded, following you out the door and into the car.

This was fucking awkward.

~~Whoo!~~

Standing in the middle of the carnival several hours later, you where holding a stick of cotten candy while John got himself a deep fried oreo.

"These things are like heaven on a stick" he said, appearing beside you and plopping down onto the ground. You sit and eat a bit of the fluffy spun sugar before he offers you an oreo and you look at him skeptically, forgetting you had your shades on.

"just try one?" He giggled, still holding out the deep friend mass of cookie, you sigh and pop it into your mouth. It is heaven on a stick. you eat several after this, ride a couple more rides until John starts to feel sick. You drive him home and walk him to the door.

"Well, Goodnight John, I had a lot of fun" You say, turning to leave while he unlocks the door.

"Dirk, wait" you turn around, the ball of nerves gathering again in your stomach.

"I had a great time tonight, besides almost throwing up, but I would really like to do this again" he said, his voice dropping to a whisper as he leaned towards you. You stepped back before the kiss could even get in your proximenity.

"I don't know John, I had fun, i just don't know if I can, sorry"you say, turning and jogging down the walkway and tearing off like hell in your car.

Well fuck


End file.
